This is the second time in a month and a half I have bought this pair of shoes. I've been out of running form for a long time and have been working up the nerve to give it another go. So I took a split-second look at the price tag, took a big gulp, and they were mine. Then, they sat in my car for a couple weeks. And then, they were stolen! And my heart sank. Because it's a big sacrifice to make a splurge purchase like that. I didn't think I'd get another chance to buy another pair of running shoes for a long time. But then I got some money restored to my account from a bunch of fraudulent charges I disputed, and I decided to buy the shoes again. I'm walking around my house as I type this on my phone to start breaking them in. Now I'm just waiting for a nice warm spell, because the clothes I have are not for cool weather and I'm still freezing.
So, I am now mentally halfway in between "booyah, let's get this party started," and "oh crap, what was I thinking?"
There are a number of reasons why running dropped from my life. The main ones being injuries. The other ones being no one understands the intensity of what it is like to go through a divorce and be a single mom with schizophrenia, then juggle and put together basically 4 different families, and who knows how many former lives, along with 2 special needs children, and my own mental health and physical health challenges, all while working multiple jobs and taking graduate school classes and try to make some semblance of a life put of it all. I'm sure there are some super women out there who would handle it all with more finesse. But what I can say is that it's been real these past 9 years. And I am ready to get back to that part of me, at least to some degree. My body is a decade older and 2 major injuries and surgery beyond where I was when I was running. So I'm giving myself a little patience and benefit of the doubt.
It will be interesting to see how it goes this time. My main motivation for running was never for the exercise per se. It is for mental and emotional well-being and the brain games. Although the physical conditioning does come along as a great little perk. I am hoping my knee, hip, and foot will play nicely.
I'm at a bit of a frustrating crossroads in my life, as I work to get back to some goals and dreams that needed to be on the back burner for awhile. It's a balance between making decisions and making things happen for myself, and flowing with and accepting things as they are or will be, beyond my control, and being at peace in that space. The lessons of running will help me with that balance.
